My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
