Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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