That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Say something about gay babies.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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