True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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