I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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