it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize