I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Did I show you my penis last night?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
