Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it