so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.