We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did