my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.