Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.