Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can't special order awesome
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE