he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
