We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
