oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
