Me too!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
