you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
