so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
