Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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