And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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