god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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