birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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