No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
