I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
