hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
