I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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