hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
