Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
