Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
