I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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