Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
