So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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