Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
