I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
