So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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