Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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