he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
