someone threw a dead crab at me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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