im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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