i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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