guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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