We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
