the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
