I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
