Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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