I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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