Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize