My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
