"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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