my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
