FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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