U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
