He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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