You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
