I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Please don't give away my fajitas
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
