She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
