those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
