is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
