so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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