just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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