So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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