quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Randomize
