every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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