I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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