i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
