Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
