are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
